Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's like iHOP with fire
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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