Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
