May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
