youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
