I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
