Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
NoShamevember. You game?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
