u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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