My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
