But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No subtext here. People are naked.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
