Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
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