I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
