just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
