Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
