Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
