Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
