I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
