Sponge bath it is.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
