I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
