You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
