the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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