we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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