Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
