I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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