He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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