I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
