so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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