all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
