you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
