im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
