so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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