My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
