apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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