Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
