Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
