Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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