She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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