Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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