why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
