Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
