Don't you send me to vm
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
