remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
