i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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