Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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