I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
