you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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