I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
