after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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