VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
