and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
