So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
