I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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