I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
